Just the Armstrongs
by EndlesslyWandering
Summary: Just a series of humorous one-shots about the much beloved Armstrong family. Ratings may change later on.
1. Chapter 1

Hey everybody who happens to be reading this. This happens to be my one of my first fanfictions ever so I hope you enjoy. This is just going to be a collection of humorous one shots centered around the Armstrong family, namely Catherine, Alex and Olivier with some guest appearances from other characters. With that, I hope you enjoy the first chapter. I wish I owned Fullmetal alchemist…

Meeting the Family

Jonathon stared at the massive house in front of him. He had heard that his new girlfriend came from a wealthy family, but he wasn't expecting this. He could fit at least five apartment buildings on the land this house was on, and still have extra space. He approached the unnecessarily extravagant doors and rang the doorbell. He was greeted by a butler complete with a suit, mustache and dreary voice.

"Hello, Jonathon, Miss Catherine is waiting for you in the dining hall."

"Um… where is that exactly?" Jonathon asked while glancing down the hall, any number of the elaborate doors could lead there.

"The third door to your right."

"Uh, thanks."

While walking down the enormous hallway, Jonathon couldn't help but peek into the other rooms, behind one door was an almost empty room with nothing but a grand piano sitting in the center. Catherine had said that she likes the piano. Behind another door was a glass, spiraling staircase leading upward to who-knows-where. The door right across for the dining hall was a bathroom larger than his whole apartment. Finally opening the door to the dining hall Jonathon couldn't help but wonder what he had gotten himself into.

"Johnny!" Catherine squealed as she gave him a hug and briefly kissed him on the lips. "I was starting to wonder where you were."

"Sorry for keeping you waiting, but the florist insisted on taking her sweet time with these," Said Jonathon, handing her a bouquet of red, pink and white carnations.

He barely had time to give her the flowers before getting hugged again, but this time it wasn't Catherine, unless she had somehow gained about one hundred pounds of muscle in the last few seconds.

"Oh Catherine, when I heard your potential suitor was coming for dinner, I hadn't imagined that he would be such a fine looking and sweet young man."

Catherine giggled a bit, "Alex, I think you're suffocating him."

Alex let go of him and Jonathon got to see Catherine's older brother for the first time. Alex looked nothing like Catherine; he was unnaturally muscular and was almost completely bald, save for the small curl of blond hair on his forehead. He also sparked. Quite a bit actually.

After being forced into a handshake that nearly dislocated his shoulder, Mr. and Mrs. Armstrong showed up, except for their odd body sizes they were almost normal.

"You decided to come at just the right time, Jonathon," Mrs. Armstrong said, "Catherine's oldest sister, Olivier, has come for a visit from up north, so now you get to meet even more of the family."

Jonathon leaned over to Catherine and whispered, "How many siblings do you have?"

"Four; three older sisters and Alex."

The family and Jonathon sat down around the table waiting for Olivier to show up. Mrs. Armstrong even went upstairs to check on her daughter; to make sure she wasn't assassinated. Mrs. Armstrong walked down the stairs a few minutes later, her face red with anger.

"I swear, that child's attitude hasn't changed since she was in preschool," She spat. "She is coming though. Even she can't resist her own appetite."

Just as Mrs. Armstrong said, Olivier entered the dining hall. Jonathon was half expecting her to look like Alex, but she was actually quite beautiful, she looked kind of like an older, less innocent version of Catherine. Of course, that was what he thought before he looked into her eyes. Although the same shade as Catherine's, hers were full of venom. She approached Jonathon.

"ON YOUR FEET SOLDIER," She barked.

"Y-yes sir- I mean ma'am." Jonathon stood and almost saluted before he realized that she was in no way in charge of him. She circled around him, inspecting him, occasionally hitting him with her sheathed sword before coming to the conclusion that 'a rabbit could take him on'.

Dinner was huge, more than enough food for six people. Jonathon had a pretty normal metabolism and ate until he was full, but the Armstrongs managed to finish the entire table full of food. Even Catherine ate at least twice as much as he did. After dinner, they retired to the parlor for tea. Jonathon was nearly stabbed ('by accident') twice, got injured by 'the Armstrong statuary technique' on three different occasions, and barely avoided a well-thrown grand piano. During dinner, Jonathon was thinking of excuses for leaving. At eight-thirty, when he was leaving, he was thinking of excuses for dumping Catherine. He really liked her, but her family was a completely different story.

Authors note: I hope it didn't suck too horribly. Normally I'm kind of against OCs (especially Mary-Sues) but I had this idea about if a normal guy started dating Catherine and ended up meeting her family. Reviews are appreciated and if you think you have a good idea for a chapter, either PM me or put it in a review. If I like the idea, I might use it. ~EndlesslyWandering


	2. Chapter 2

The second chapter is here! (Insert applause here) This one takes place when Olivier is three and none of the other Armstrong siblings are born yet. I do not Fma:b.

* * *

Daycare and Dinosaurs

Mrs. Armstrong was knitting when the phone rang, she picked it up.

"Hello, Armstrong residence."

"Hi, um, this is Tilly from Sunshine Rainbow Daycare, and your daughter has gone completely berserk," the woman on the phone sounded terrified.

Mrs. Armstrong sighed; she had been half-expecting this call for about a week now. "I'll be there in a minute." The Armstrongs had sent their daughter to daycare in hopes that her aggressive behavior wouldn't rub off on the unborn twins in Mrs. Armstrong's stomach. Of course, little Olivier had been kicked out of three daycares in the past month due to her temper.

When Mrs. Armstrong walked into Sunshine Rainbow Daycare; the scenario was similar to the previous experiences, huddled in the coat room were Tilly, a few terrified kids and one boy who appeared to be unconscious. The other workers and unfortunate kids were in the playroom, trying to either calm down Olivier or find a decent hiding place.

The playroom was a disaster, toys strewn around the room with reckless abandon; kids huddled in the corners, the daycare staff trying to evacuate the children into the coat room. In the center of it all, as always, was a petite blonde girl, with a toy dinosaur in each hand, yelling profanities that no three-year-old should know.

"Olivier Mira Armstrong, I will count to five, if you are not over here by the time I get to five, you will be severely punished."

The girl turned to face her angry mother, "What kind of punishment?"

Mrs. Armstrong considered her options, then went with the old stand-by, "if you are not over here by the time I count to five, you will be sent to bed without dinner for the rest of the week. One."

It took until the count of four for Olivier to reluctantly put down the dinosaurs and walk towards her mother. Usually it took to four-and-a-half for her to surrender. The girl was getting smarter.

"Why did you get so mad, Olivier?" Mrs. Armstrong asked when they were in the safety of the car.

"It's all Roy's fault, I wanted to play with the dinos but Roy didn't let me. He said 'girls can't play with dinos, only boys play with dinos, girls play with ponies'. I didn't want to play with ponies; ponies are boring. I got really mad at Roy and took his dino and hit him with it. Roy fell asleep because I hit him and the adults got mad at me and they tried to take my dino but I didn't let them have it because it was my dino."

Mrs. Armstrong just sighed, "If you don't start acting like a lady soon, you'll never be able to find a husband."

* * *

AN: Remember kids, if you don't like someone, hit them in the head with a dinosaur. The next chapter is going to be more about Catherine and Alex, since they weren't in this chapter. Reviews are appreciated. If you review, you get a hug from the Armstrong of your choice. ~EndlesslyWandering


	3. Chapter 3

Hey, people of the internet. As promised, chapter three will be mostly focused on Alex and Catherine. So, brace yourself for a story that has been passed down the Armstrong family for generations. This one takes place when Catherine is ten and Alex is fifteen. I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist blah blah blah.

The Origin of the Pink Sparkles

One fine day, Alex Louis Armstrong was indulging in one of his favorite pastimes; flexing in front of the mirror. His younger sister, Catherine Elle Armstrong, was sitting on the edge of his bed, watching him.

"Alex, I was wondering… Why do we sparkle?" she asked.

"Why were you wondering something like that, dear sister?"

"Well, mom and dad sparkle, I sparkle, you sparkle a lot, and even Livy sparkles sometimes."

"It is a long story, but I believe you are at the age where I can tell you such a story. It all starts with our great, great, great, great, great, great uncle, Sir Caspian John Armstrong. Caspian was riding through a forest on his way to our great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandmother, Lillian Olive Armstrong, when he came across a suspicious old woman who was in need of help. Because Sir Caspian was a good man and lived by the code of chivalry, he decided that his grandmother's cookies could wait a bit."

"The old woman, it turns out, was a witch. She asked Caspian to kill five people from the nearby village and bring her their corpses to perform a sacred ritual. Caspian refused of course, for no true Armstrong would kill innocent people for such a terrible cause. The witch then cursed him, making it so that his soul and the soul of anyone who carried the last name 'Armstrong' would never be able to rest. Their restless souls would follow the living Armstrongs until they either changed their name through marriage, or died."

Catherine looked like she might throw up, "So that means that these sparkles are… the souls of our ancestors?"

"Indeed, I have spoken with each and every one of these souls; I know all of them by name and practice the Armstrong techniques to honor their names. Let me introduce you to them, this one is Violet Genevieve Armstrong, she developed the Armstrong statuary technique. This is Derris Armstrong, the only Armstrong to reject his middle name…"

An hour and a half later

"… Jennifer Louie Armstrong, she's quite a naughty one. And last but not least, William Thomas Armstrong, he died when he was only five; quite a sad story that one. Catherine? Oh I get it, you want to meet these souls too, don't you? That must be why you are practicing the Armstrong art of sleeping with your eyes open."

AN: That was a little bit darker than I wanted it to be but I hope it turned out alright. I got the idea when I watching Fma:b, when Hohenhiem was talking to Father about talking to the souls in his philosopher's stone. I just decided to do a light-hearted variation on that. I apologize for how short it is. Reviews are appreciated. For a limited time, review and get a free hug from your choice of Old Man Fu, Buccaneer, Miles, or Grumman.


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